When Scribbles Become Sunshine

When Scribbles Become Sunshine
& Other Tales of Affinity and Infatuation.
First thing. I sit in the theatre . No. The first thing. The first thing I did was walk the aisles and run my hands along the carpet covered walls. The floor lit with runway lights. The first thing is always the hardest thing. I reached for her hand the first time. Dark . Grabbed at her elbow. Missed. The first














thing is complicated. At best. Walk in circles, spinning/reaching towards the ceilings fingers. Find her in the flicker. Darkness meets the bright. Dust particles in the beam. Softly: click. Click. Clicking reel. Eyes squeezing tighter to match each rhythm with my own. Pulse. 24 frames a second.
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Pick her up in my truck . Walk the long walk to her door. She’s dressed in black skirt . Tight white shirt. We go to see EdTV.
It’s shit. She asks me to touch her leg . I do .
It’s not right. We get ice cream . My friends drive by.
They honk. They wave. Back to her house . Parents aren’t home.
Watch Golden Girls re-runs. Tries on prom dresses for me. I help zip .
She puts on “Kiss Me.” I don’t. Scrunches up close.
I check the time. Past curfew . Hug.
Kiss on cheek. Call me . I don’t.
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Wore camo pants and I called her GI Jana. She laughed .

Took her to sister’s rehearsal dinner. My dad was proud .

Tell her about secret conversations with God. Inside jokes

between Jesus and me. She says, “No one talks like you.”
She twirled her hair like this: . . .
and I was s m it te n.

Got lost on purpose .
Drove for hours.
Made mix tapes . Listened to
mix tapes :
over and over and over and over and over
Tells me she loves me as a f r i e n d.



She was what I wanted. I knew it. Had friend call for me. Wrote bad poems.
Poems like:

slowly walking towards me
and I can barely speak
my hands are trembling along
with the ground beneath my feet
and my head is pounding
like my heart with each new beat
waiting for that moment when
your eyes and mine might meet
it’s been seven times I’ve counted
one for each day this week

Drove two hours to see her. Drove around town in my truck . Listened to Prince . Went to baseball game . Watched Legally Blonde at her apt .

Seen so many bad movies alone (Daredevil , The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen , The Core ). Nice to have a friend.
Friend to tell me that she thinks dinosaurs are fucking lame
and that her mother has a monkey .
Friend to tell me she’s seen this twice, but wants to see it again (with me).
Friend to talk about Joni Mitchell , Weezer , and PT Anderson.
Friend to hold hands with .
Friend to listen to music with .
Friend to devour.
Friend to smoke cigarettes with on the front porch .
Friend to marry.
Friend to make accidental babies with.
Friend to live happily ever after .















Bob and Charlotte cannot be together
Bob is an actor. Charlotte is a photographer’s wife. Charlotte doesn’t know who she’s supposed to be. Bob pretends to be someone else everyday. Charlotte has gone through her photography stage. Bob looks at carpet samples. Bob and Charlotte have the worst lunch. Bob is terrified. Charlotte is young. Bob whispers to Charlotte. Inaudible. Bob knows there is a life for Charlotte.

Willie and Marty cannot be together
Willie is engaged. Marty is thirteen, but has an old soul. Willie is Pooh. Marty is Christopher Robin. Marty likes to mash snow. Willie plays “Sweet Caroline.” They call it Romeo and Juliet – the dyslexic version. But Willie and Marty can’t do diddly.

Paul and Noel cannot be together
Paul makes mistakes. Noel makes mistakes. Paul is jealous. Noel is hurting. Paul wants to travel a million years into the future and still have things to say to Noel. Noel dreams that Paul builds her a garden.

Josh and Emily cannot be together
Josh bought a chair on ebay. Emily goes with him to pick it up. Josh is selfish. Josh is angry. Josh wrote a song for Emily. Emily can’t believe she never heard the song until now. Emily can’t take it anymore. Josh loves Emily. Emily loves Josh. Josh loves Emily enough to let her go.

Bud and Deanie cannot be together
Bud loves Deanie. Deanie loves Bud. Bud sleeps with someone else. Deanie goes mad. Can Deanie rebuild her life and find happiness? Bud lives with his mistakes. Deanie lives with hers.